When I was still in college, I have my post-graduation life planned out in advance. I listed my goals to my Bucket List notebook, ready to be crossed out when done. I thought everything will be a breeze once I graduate because I know what to do.
Or so I thought.
Things didn’t go the way I wanted it. I crafted my resume and cover letter to perfection and submitted them to my dream companies. I waited. It lasted for a few weeks and weeks stretched to months. I do not have a backup plan. Why would I?
I finished college in a decent university with good credentials to boot. People around me believe that I have a good future ahead because of what I do in school. Who could have thought that this golden girl will be clueless about what she is supposed to do?
Right now, I am an unemployed graduate with nothing to do but submit resumes and daydream about being a successful career woman. Other people my age are getting jobs in different companies and they are in the way of achieving their own dreams.
Everyone is getting their way – except me.
I know there is a life ahead of me but I feel like wasting every opportunity by staying here. But what can I do? I am doing everything in my means to achieve my dreams. Still, it is not enough. Again. When will I ever be enough for something I really want?
Should I say it is completely fine to be in this state because there will always be a rainbow after the rain? What if it isn’t rainbow but further destruction? Should I let things happen instead of making them happen?
So many questions but answers are to no avail.
With each passing day, my negative thoughts are taking over me – drowning me in self-pity and loathing. I feel so useless not being in the way of success. It seems like I am only taking a significant amount of space that could have been given to someone who is more deserving than I am. I consider giving up.
Maybe my dreams are not meant for me and I am making a worthless effort of achieving them. That this endeavor is a desperate attempt at making myself feel better. Maybe I am not meant for greatness. I am destined for mediocrity and being contented with it. I was born this way and I will die this way too.
I didn’t come this far to back down in the end. It is not even the end. It is only the beginning of a lovely story. I encountered challenges, faced fears and broke through barriers. I was also on the verge of giving up back then. If I did, will I even have a taste of victory?
With this, I come to realize this is among them – a challenge that comes with confusion and lots of questioning. Like the others, I will face it with courage and determination. But this time, there is a dose of boundless patience and matured wisdom.
I can and I will!